10 months.

Ten months since the day I gave birth to my daughter.
I don't know where my life has gone, the one I used to have.
Friday and Saturday nights used to make me anxious if I didn't go out, but now most weekends I'm at home bathing with my daughter at 7:30 and having her put to bed at 8.

It's crazy. I can't understand it. It's hard and it's even harder to admit that I'm a single mom. I'm embarrassed and I'm ashamed, two things I never would have thought I would have felt. Am I supposed to feel empowered? I thought I would. I'm immensely proud of my daughter, more than anything.

But I'm also a single mother. Once an abused mother, but I couldn't continue to be a good mother in that environment. Am I ashamed because of how I've been treated? Yes. Am I embarrassed because I was called a slut and a whore? Yes. Do I believe that I don't have that mom/dad family relationship for my daughter because I was not good enough? I'm not sure.

Am I glad that I left the situation, and do I believe I'm a good mother? All the fucking way. I have a big fuck you (excuse my language)  kept in my heart presently for him. I am a strong woman, but my resilience is down. I feel upset, embarrassed. Disgusted. 

But I'm still moving forward.