I bounced.
Relationship, to relationship.
Always I came back to the question, why can't he just treat me right ?
Well, "he" turned out to be the same soul copy in a different body, and what i thought i loved just might be a desperation to cling to old cycles that keep me in my comfort zone.
Most of us have been there, make up and break up, accepting apologises unfollowed by actions. It's like my head gets into a woozy daydream when I can finally see him again, and hear that maybe he did realize what he had done to hurt me. So i let it sweep me away in an effort to repair what we "had", only to have it all come crashing down weeks if not days later.
Sorry. He's sorry. Wants to talk, to meet up, have a conversation.
The easy solution would've been the block button.
Nah, my hopes and daydreams, naively, said Pick up! He called, says he can't stop thinking of me.
My heart pounds.
Is it true ?
Is it REAL? Or a player's game... where i must protect my pieces and pretend that i'm not. Why would he be interested in a game, I tell him yes.
I do miss you. I dont hate you, and yet, i all too quickly gave up the nookie to the man i love that ran from commitment more than once.
Then he slams me with the "Just let me be alone until........" some far off distant goal to allow him single life while still keeping me attached by a string,
and i realize, my heart is invested, deep in these waters like an anchor while his is at shore.
Now I'm angry, pissed off.
He will come back again, but will I answer the knock of pain this time?
No, because it's time for change. For self respect. For self love. For boundaries, and for setting free what was probably never meant for me.
